I write this with tears in my eyes, but they’re happy tears.
Happy tears because I know how blessed I was to have these people enter my life.
The older I get, the more adamant I become that leadership has very little to do with job titles. Which is fortunate, because I’ve never been a fan of titles. Titles create separation. They create divide.
Real leaders don’t chase titles.
Most of the truly great leaders I’ve known simply wanted to get things done. They didn’t necessarily want to be the leader, but they understood that if nobody stepped forward, nothing would happen.
Some of the most influential leaders in my life probably have no idea the impact they’ve had on me.
As salon owners, managers, educators and team leaders, we often underestimate the role we play in people’s lives. We think we’re managing rosters, tracking KPIs, running meetings, coaching performance and solving workplace problems.
But sometimes we’re doing something much bigger than that.
Sometimes we’re helping shape the person standing in front of us.
Over the course of my career, I’ve worked under some incredible leaders and some… hmmm, let’s just say not so much.
The ones that I walked away from thinking “my god get me out of here” taught me what leadership isn’t. The great ones taught me what it is.
When I was a young hairdresser (16), I had the opportunity to work for a globally recognised colourist. His standards were high. Some would probably call him demanding. Nothing less than excellence was accepted.
At the time, I was too busy being in awe of how brilliant he was to fully appreciate what he was teaching me. Looking back now, I realise that toughness came from passion. He cared deeply about the industry, the craft, and the people learning it.
He pushed me because he saw potential.
He never lowered the standard to make me comfortable. He never rescued me when I struggled and trust me when I say he NEVER rescued me, even when I begged.
He expected me to learn, improve and rise to the challenge.
But what stood out most wasn’t his technical knowledge.
It was that amongst the pressure and expectations, he had his own way of checking in on me.
“Have you eaten?”
“I bought you a fruit salad and I want you to eat it.” (I was a very unhealthy eater. 🤫 Don’t tell him I haven’t changed much, that part of his influence didn’t stick 🫣😂.)
“How much Coke have you drunk today?” (I drank fuelled leaded Coca Cola those days I just got more booshie with Diet Coke these days 😂
“Well then have you had enough water if you drank that much coke?”
Simple questions. Small moments.
But they taught me something important.
You can have high standards and still care about people.
The second leader entered my life during a bit of a more difficult chapter.
At the time, I was carrying challenges outside of work that nobody knew about. Like many hairdressers do, I showed up every day, put on a brave face and kept moving. Back then hairdressers didn’t take time off for anything, we were work horses (but it taught us resilience).
One morning I arrived at work after a particularly difficult night.
I made a comment in passing which was a lie to why I was the way I was that day.
He looked at me, he knew I was lying but he gently touched my face and said something that has stayed with me for twenty-five years.
“This isn’t not normal. I hope you know that, this isn’t what it should be like.”
That was it. No interrogation. No judgement. No attempt to rescue me.
No overstepping boundaries. Just compassion and acknowledgement.
At the time, he probably thought I hadn’t listened because I continued down a path that wasn’t serving me. Look I was nineteen. I knew everything. (Yep, I was one of those stubborn pains in the arse. But honestly, who wasn’t at that age?)
What he didn’t know was that I heard every word. He forgot those words after all these years but I haven’t, I carried them with me for twenty-five years so far.
We remain friends to this day the admiration and respect I have for him will last a lifetime.
What I admire most is that he understood something many leaders struggle with.
He cared deeply, but he stayed within his role. He created safety without creating dependency.
He offered support without taking ownership of problems that weren’t his to solve. He also protected his peace.
That is leadership.
Fast forward to a more recent time (gahhh I’m 43 this month just to give to a time line).
Life challenges, more setbacks and more experiences that have left their scars, I found myself working under another leader who would become one of the most influential persons in my professional life.
A manager who has now moved away from both the business and the country, but never from my mind.
By the time I met him, life had left me carrying a fair amount of baggage.
Like many people who have walked through difficult seasons, my mind often operated in emotional chaos before it operated in clarity.
And yet every conversation with him felt calm.
No matter what I brought to the table.
No matter how emotional, frustrated, overwhelmed or uncertain I felt.
He never matched the chaos.
He never fuelled it.
He listened.
He asked questions.
He challenged my thinking. He reframed my thinking.
He helped me untangle problems without solving them for me.
Most importantly, he never treated me as broken. He reminded me how strong I was.
He treated me as capable. And I know I am capable, sometimes I just needed someone to remind me until I remembered it myself and believed it.
Looking back, I realise he wasn’t rebuilding me. That part is completely up to me.
He was simply helping me dust off the debris life had left behind so I could see the person who was still underneath it all.
Again, he never rescued me. He held boundaries. He maintained expectations.
I still had to do the work.
But he made me feel seen, heard and valued and capable.
And sometimes that’s exactly what great leadership looks like.
The reason these men stand out in my memory isn’t because they changed my life overnight.
It’s because they showed up consistently. They worked out how to reach me.
How to challenge me. How to pull the very best out of me.
They demonstrated something many leaders forget.
People don’t need perfect leaders. People need safe leaders.
Leaders who can balance care with accountability. Compassion with boundaries.
Support with responsibility.
In our industry especially, this balance can be difficult.
Hairdressers are natural nurturers. We care. We listen. We naturally want to help.
Sometimes we care so much that we try to rescue people. Other times we become so overwhelmed we become emus and bury our heads in the sand.
Neither is leadership. Leadership lives in the middle.
It’s caring enough to ask if someone is okay. It’s listening without taking ownership of their problems. It’s supporting without rescuing.
It’s maintaining standards while still seeing the human behind the performance.
Most importantly, it’s understanding that your influence reaches further than you realise.
2022 , there was a song that is now called my anthem , I heard after significant milestone in mine and my children’s lives. “Dog days are over” by Florence and the machine.
For a long time, hearing it would instantly take me back to sometimes hard memories sometimes back to the moment my little family honestly felt freedom.
This week it started playing unexpectedly while I was sitting with a very good client. For a second I felt my heart skip a beat. BUT normally, it would have brought a wave of emotion, tears or the urge to scream the song from the hills like they did back in the day to “We will rock you” at the footy.
This time, it didn’t. Thank god no one needs to see me belting out a song like it’s a Karaoke night and no one is watching because they all would have definitely been watching.
I smiled. I acknowledged it. And I carried on with the things I had to do with my client.
I did however get in the car after and belt out the best sing along session the world hasn't seen, and it dawned on me to write this part of my journey.
But also in that moment, I realised how far I’d come.
Healing doesn’t always arrive with fireworks.Sometimes it arrives quietly.
In a café. In a song. In a moment where you realise the past no longer controls the present.
And as I reflected on that moment, I realised something else.
None of us heal, grow or become who we are entirely on our own.
Along the way there are leaders, mentors and people who leave fingerprints on our lives.
Not because they rescued us. But because they reminded us we were capable of saving ourselves.
So if you’re a salon owner, manager or team leader reading this, never underestimate the impact you have.
Someone on your team may forget something you taught them.
They may forget the wet towels in the dryer, the stock take before the rep comes in to do the order, what the mixing ratios are to the colour or what the PIN code is to the computer. They may forget the information from the meeting you ran.
But they will never forget how you made them feel.
And twenty-five years from now, they may still be carrying something you taught them without you ever knowing it. This is what I hope for you as a leader.
Thats the legacy I hope you leave behind.